MOUNTAIN OF FIRE AND MIRACLES MINISTRIESOKE-ATA ZONAL HEADQUARTERS, ABEOKUTA
YOUTH WINGRELATIONSHIP PROGRAMFriday, September 11th, 2026
𝕋𝕆ℙ𝕀ℂ:
YOUR LIFE PARTNER IN THE JOURNEY OF LIFE
𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼:
WHO IS CHOOSING YOUR LIFE PARTNER FOR YOU?
And how can that choice affect the fulfilment of your life destiny?
Anchor Scriptures: Genesis 2:18–24; Proverbs 19:14; Psalm 37:4–5; Amos 3:3; Matthew 6:33; Ecclesiastes 4:9–12; Ephesians 5:21–33; Colossians 3:12–14.
INTRODUCTION
Choosing a life partner is one of the most consequential decisions a young person will make.
You are not merely choosing someone to love. You are choosing someone with whom you may:
- Build a home
- Manage finances
- Raise children
- Make major decisions
- Face adversity and challenge
- Develop your career or business
- Serve God
- Pursue your purpose
- Build a legacy
- Grow old together
Therefore, the question should not only be:
“Who do I love?”
The deeper question is:
“WHO IS CHOOSING MY LIFE PARTNER FOR ME?”
Is it:
A. GOD?
B. CIRCUMSTANCES?
C. MYSELF?
And ultimately:
“Is the person I am choosing someone with whom I can fulfil God's purpose and build a resilient life together?”
A. PERFECT WILL OF GOD
GOD CHOOSES
Proverbs 19:14
“...a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
Genesis 2:18
“It is not good that the man should be alone...”
God created marriage and understands the importance of companionship.
Allowing God to lead does not mean that a person becomes passive or waits for a mysterious supernatural announcement.
It means:
“Lord, I surrender my desires and relationship decisions to You. Let Your Word, wisdom and purpose guide me.”
God's leading should be accompanied by:
Prayer + Scripture + Discernment + Wisdom + Character + Counsel + Compatibility + Purpose + Responsible Choice
HOW GOD'S WILL SHOULD INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE
1. GOD'S WORD
Does the relationship agree with biblical principles?
Psalm 119:105
2. PRAYER
James 1:5
Ask:
“Lord, give me wisdom to recognise the right person and courage to reject the wrong relationship.”
3. CHARACTER
Look beyond:
- Beauty
- Handsomeness
- Money
- Education
- Status
- Sexual attraction.
Look at:
- Integrity
- Faithfulness
- Responsibility
- Humility
- Self-control
- Honesty
- Spiritual maturity
- Emotional maturity.
You are not marrying a photograph; you are marrying a character.
4. PURPOSE
Ask:
“Can we walk together toward God's purpose?”
Amos 3:3
5. GODLY COUNSEL
Proverbs 11:14; 15:22
Don't isolate a serious relationship from mature and trustworthy counsel.
6. TIME
Don't rush because of loneliness, age, sexual pressure, money or fear.
7. SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY
2 Corinthians 6:14
Your relationship should strengthen your relationship with Christ rather than continually weaken it.
B. PERMISSIVE WILL OF GOD
For this programme, permissive will can be used to describe situations where God allows a person to exercise personal choice, but the person has not necessarily followed God's best direction.
God gives people freedom and responsibility, and choices have consequences.
Deuteronomy 30:19; Proverbs 14:12; Galatians 6:7
Therefore:
God allowing a choice does not automatically mean God specifically directed that choice.
Two major ways this can happen are:
B1. CIRCUMSTANCES CHOOSE
Sometimes circumstances effectively choose the partner.
Loneliness
“I don't want to be single anymore.”
Age
“I am getting too old; I must marry now.”
Money
“This person can secure my future.”
Sex
“We have already gone too far.”
Pregnancy
“We have to marry because of the pregnancy.”
Family pressure
“My parents have chosen this person.”
Social pressure
“Everybody around me is married.”
Career/business
“This person can advance my career.”
Relocation
“Marriage to this person will help me move abroad.”
Fear
“What if I don't find anybody else?”
KEY LESSON
Never allow a temporary circumstance to make a permanent decision for you.
B2. YOU CHOOSE BY YOURSELF
This happens when personal desires become the ultimate authority.
You choose because:
- “I love him/her.”
- “He/she is beautiful.”
- “He/she has money.”
- “The chemistry is strong.”
- “He/she makes me happy.”
- “I don't care what anyone says.”
- “It is my life.”
- “I know what I'm doing.”
The danger:
You can sincerely love somebody and still make an unwise decision.
Love is essential, but love must be accompanied by wisdom, character, maturity and purpose.
THE DESTINY CONNECTION
WHY DOES YOUR LIFE PARTNER MATTER TO YOUR DESTINY?
Your spouse may become a:
DESTINY HELPER
Someone who strengthens your calling.
DESTINY COMPANION
Someone who walks with you through the journey.
DESTINY DISTRACTOR
Someone whose influence continually pulls you away from your purpose.
DESTINY DESTROYER
A destructive relationship can create circumstances that seriously damage your spiritual, emotional, financial or family life.
This does not mean your spouse single-handedly determines your destiny. Your relationship with God and your own obedience remain fundamental.
But marriage creates a powerful environment around your life.
The person beside you can greatly influence how you pursue what God has placed before you.
THE FIVE CORE FOUNDATIONAL PILLARS OF MARRIAGE
A Christian marriage should have Christ as its ultimate foundation, supported by practical structures that enable the couple to build and remain resilient.
1. FINANCIAL SECURITY
2. EMOTIONAL SHELTER
3. LEGAL RIGHTS
4. PROTECTION
5. SOCIAL STABILITY
PILLAR 1 — FINANCIAL SECURITY
“CAN WE BUILD AND MANAGE RESOURCES TOGETHER?”
Ecclesiastes 4:9
Marriage creates shared responsibilities involving:
- Housing
- Food
- Education
- Healthcare
- Transportation
- Investments
- Business
- Emergency needs
- Children
- Retirement
- Family responsibilities
- Giving.
Discuss BEFORE marriage:
- Income
- Debt
- Spending habits
- Savings
- Investments
- Business
- Career expectations
- Financial obligations to parents/family
- Major financial goals.
Important principle:
Don't marry someone merely because you believe their money will solve your problems.
The objective is not merely to find a wealthy partner.
It is to find someone with whom you can develop financial responsibility and shared economic stability.
PILLAR 2 — EMOTIONAL SHELTER
“CAN I BE SAFE, HEARD, RESPECTED AND SUPPORTED?”
Marriage should provide:
- Love
- Acceptance
- Respect
- Encouragement
- Compassion
- Trust
- Communication
- Forgiveness
- Support.
A healthy spouse should be someone with whom you can:
- Discuss problems
- Express concerns
- Admit mistakes
- Receive correction
- Disagree respectfully
- Recover from disappointment
- Grow emotionally.
RED FLAGS
Never romanticise:
- Physical violence
- Threats
- Intimidation
- Extreme control
- Manipulation
- Humiliation
- Isolation
- Persistent emotional abuse.
Love does not require you to tolerate abuse.
Forgiveness and reconciliation do not mean remaining in an unsafe situation.
PILLAR 3 — LEGAL RIGHTS
Marriage also creates legal responsibilities and rights.
Depending on the type of marriage and applicable Nigerian law, issues may include:
- Marital status
- Property ownership
- Inheritance
- Children's rights
- Estate planning
- Business interests
- Financial obligations
- Succession
- Separation/divorce procedures.
Youth should understand:
Spiritual preparation and legal awareness should work together.
For significant property, business, inheritance or family-law matters, obtain appropriate professional legal advice.
PILLAR 4 — PROTECTION
Marriage should provide a framework in which husband and wife protect one another and their family.
Protection can be:
Spiritual protection
- Prayer
- Biblical instruction
- Accountability.
Emotional protection
- Confidentiality
- Respect
- Encouragement.
Financial protection
- Budgeting
- Insurance where appropriate
- Emergency funds
- Responsible investment
- Avoiding reckless debt.
Physical protection
- Safe home
- Healthy environment
- Protection from violence and harmful behaviour.
Family protection
- Appropriate boundaries with extended family and outside relationships.
Principle:
A spouse should be a place of refuge, not a source of continual danger.
PILLAR 5 — SOCIAL STABILITY
Marriage connects:
Two individuals + two families + children + church/community + social networks.
Discuss:
- Where you will live
- Extended family
- Family boundaries
- Children
- Parenting
- Church
- Friendships
- Culture
- Social media
- Family obligations.
Ask:
“Can we build a peaceful and stable family environment together?”
ACCEPTING EACH OTHER'S PAST
This is one of the most important issues young couples must understand.
Everyone comes into a relationship with a history.
A person may have experienced:
- Previous relationships
- Family difficulties
- Financial mistakes
- Failed decisions
- Emotional wounds
- Disappointments
- Sin
- Regrets
- Poor choices.
The question is not:
“Has this person ever made a mistake?”
The better questions are:
“Has this person acknowledged the past?”
“Has this person repented where necessary?”
“Has this person learned from the experience?”
“Is there evidence of genuine change?”
“Can I accept this person's history without continually using it as a weapon?”
ACCEPTANCE IS NOT THE SAME AS APPROVAL
This distinction is critical.
Accepting someone's past does NOT mean:
- Calling sin righteousness
- Ignoring serious history
- Pretending nothing happened
- Hiding important information
- Excusing abuse
- Accepting ongoing unfaithfulness
- Refusing necessary accountability.
Instead:
Acceptance means acknowledging that the person's past is part of their history without automatically allowing it to define their present or future.
2 Corinthians 5:17
In Christ, there is the possibility of becoming a new creation.
Romans 8:1
There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
DISCLOSE WHAT MATTERS
Before marriage, significant matters should not be deliberately hidden.
A healthy relationship requires honesty about issues that could materially affect marriage, such as:
- Previous marriage
- Children
- Major financial obligations
- Significant debts
- Serious addictions
- Ongoing legal matters
- Important family responsibilities
- Major relationship history where relevant
- Issues that materially affect trust or marital expectations.
Principle:
You cannot build a strong future on deliberate deception about the past.
FORGIVING HIS/HER PAST
Colossians 3:13
“...forgiving one another...”
Forgiveness means releasing the desire to continually punish someone for a genuinely acknowledged and repented past wrong.
It does not mean pretending the wound never existed.
Healthy forgiveness says:
“I know what happened. I have considered it honestly. I have seen your repentance and growth. I choose not to keep using your past to destroy our present.”
BEING READY TO FORGIVE FUTURE MISTAKES
This is equally important.
Every spouse will make mistakes.
There will be:
- Wrong words
- Misunderstandings
- Poor decisions
- Forgotten responsibilities
- Financial mistakes
- Communication failures
- Moments of selfishness
- Unmet expectations.
A resilient marriage does not require two perfect people.
It requires two people who know how to repent, forgive, communicate, learn and grow.
BUT FORGIVENESS HAS BOUNDARIES
This needs to be taught very clearly to young people.
Forgiveness does NOT mean:
“You can keep hurting me.”
“You don't need to change.”
“I must tolerate abuse.”
“I must ignore repeated betrayal.”
“There are no consequences for destructive behaviour.”
Biblical forgiveness can coexist with:
- Boundaries
- Accountability
- Consequences
- Counselling
- Separation for safety where necessary
- Legal protection where necessary.
Therefore:
Forgive the person, but don't enable the behaviour.
Restore trust progressively where trust has been damaged.
THE RESILIENT MARRIAGE MODEL
PAST → FORGIVENESS → HEALING → TRUST → GROWTH → FUTURE
PAST
Acknowledge what happened.
↓
FORGIVENESS
Release resentment and revenge.
↓
HEALING
Address wounds and consequences.
↓
TRUST
Rebuild through consistent behaviour.
↓
GROWTH
Learn from mistakes.
↓
FUTURE
Build together without continually weaponising yesterday.
DON'T USE YOUR PARTNER'S PAST AS A WEAPON
One of the most destructive habits in marriage is:
“Remember what you did five years ago...”
If the matter has been genuinely resolved, continually reopening it can prevent healing.
Never say:
“I forgave you, but I will remind you every time we fight.”
That is not healthy forgiveness.
A resilient couple learns:
“We discuss the past to learn, not to continually punish.”
BUILDING A RESILIENT MARRIAGE
1. PRAY TOGETHER
Don't only pray when there is a crisis.
2. COMMUNICATE
Don't allow silence to become punishment.
3. FORGIVE
Don't keep an account of every offence.
4. APOLOGISE
Learn to say:
“I was wrong.”
5. KEEP YOUR WORD
Trust grows through consistency.
6. SOLVE PROBLEMS TOGETHER
Don't turn every disagreement into a competition.
7. PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE
Don't expose every marital problem to social media or unnecessary outsiders.
8. SEEK HELP EARLY
Godly pastoral or professional counselling can prevent small problems from becoming destructive crises.
9. KEEP GROWING
Marriage should not stop personal development.
10. KEEP CHRIST AT THE CENTRE
Ecclesiastes 4:12
“...a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
THE “WE” MENTALITY
A resilient marriage moves from:
“Me versus you”
to:
“US versus the problem.”
Instead of:
“You are the problem.”
Say:
“We have a problem; how can we solve it?”
Instead of:
“Your money.”
Say:
“How can we manage our resources?”
Instead of:
“Your family.”
Say:
“How can we establish healthy family boundaries?”
Instead of:
“Your mistake.”
Say:
“What can we learn from this?”
PRACTICAL LIFE-PARTNER TEST AND CHECKLIST
Before marriage, ask:
SPIRITUAL
- Do we both genuinely follow Christ?
- Can we pray and grow spiritually together?
CHARACTER
- Can I trust this person's character?
- How does this person behave under pressure?
EMOTIONAL
- Can we communicate honestly?
- Can we disagree without destroying each other?
FINANCIAL
- Can we discuss money openly?
- Do we have compatible financial values?
PURPOSE
- Can we support each other's God-given purpose?
- Will our relationship help or hinder our destiny?
PAST
- Have we been honest about significant aspects of our past?
- Can we forgive and genuinely move forward?
FUTURE
- Can we accept that both of us will make mistakes?
- Are we willing to learn, apologise, forgive and grow?
FAMILY
- Have we discussed children, parenting and extended family?
LEGAL
- Do we understand the legal implications of the marriage we intend to enter?
THE GOLDEN PRINCIPLES FOR YOUTH
Don't marry merely because you are lonely.
Don't marry merely because you are sexually attracted.
Don't marry merely because someone has money.
Don't marry merely because your family approves.
Don't marry merely because everyone else is married.
Don't marry someone expecting to change their character after marriage.
Don't hide major issues from a prospective spouse.
Don't condemn someone forever because of a genuinely repented past.
Don't confuse forgiveness with tolerating abuse.
Don't expect perfection from your future spouse when you are not perfect yourself.
Don't only look for someone to love you. Look for someone with whom you can build.
THE CENTRAL MESSAGE
WHO IS CHOOSING YOUR LIFE PARTNER?
A. PERFECT WILL OF GOD
GOD CHOOSES/LEADS
You surrender your desires to God and allow His Word, prayer, wisdom, character, counsel, compatibility and purpose to guide the decision.
B. PERMISSIVE/HUMAN CHOICE
1. CIRCUMSTANCES CHOOSE
Loneliness, age, money, sex, pregnancy, family pressure, social pressure, fear or convenience determines the relationship.
2. YOU CHOOSE BY YOURSELF
Your emotions, attraction, pride, lust, personal preference, money or status becomes the ultimate authority.
FIVE THINGS TO REMEMBER
1. CHOOSE WITH GOD.
2. CHOOSE WITH WISDOM.
3. CHOOSE CHARACTER OVER CHEMISTRY ALONE.
4. CHOOSE SOMEONE WITH WHOM YOU CAN BUILD PURPOSEFULLY.
5. AFTER CHOOSING, LEARN TO FORGIVE, GROW AND BUILD TOGETHER.
FINAL CHARGE
YOUR LIFE PARTNER IS A JOURNEY PARTNER
The person you marry may become the person who:
Prays with you.
Builds with you.
Encourages you.
Challenges you.
Forgives you.
Raises children with you.
Faces storms with you.
Protects your family with you.
Serves God with you.
Grows old with you.
Therefore:
Don't choose only for today's feelings. Choose with tomorrow's purpose in view.
And when you find someone with whom you can build:
Accept the past.
Learn from the past.
Forgive the past.
Don't weaponise the past.
Build the present.
Prepare for the future.
And give each other room to grow.
